Being smart about online dating means getting to know a match through messages, calls and video before meeting, checking that the person is who they claim to be (a reverse image search of their photos is a quick start), meeting first in a busy public place, and never sending money to someone you have not met in person.
Key Takeaways
- Move from messaging to a voice call and then a video call before agreeing to meet; a match who keeps avoiding video is a warning sign.
- Run a reverse image search on profile photos and a web search on the name the person gives you.
- Hold the first date in a busy public place, arrange your own transport and tell a friend where you will be.
- The US Federal Trade Commission’s core rule: never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you have not met in person.
- If you have already paid someone, contact your bank or payment provider at once, then report it (ReportFraud.ftc.gov in the US, the 1930 helpline or the National Cyber Crime Reporting Portal in India).
More and more these days, people are finding dates and even long-term relationships via online dating sites and apps. When these sites first kicked off, it was something of a joke. Like, you must be too socially awkward to meet people in-person, so you need a computer to help you do it.
But that was years ago. Now, it’s almost the norm. And really, when it comes right down to it, finding relationships online isn’t all that different from finding them in-person.
How To Be Better At Online Dating
If anything, the online dating process can actually help to make things easier and safer. That is, just as long as you approach it smartly and stick to some common-sense rules.
These rules include the following.
Communicate as Much as Possible Before Meeting In-Person
The idea is to get to know a person online before you date them in real life. Just like you might meet someone in a bar or the grocery store, you get to meet people virtually on online dating apps.
To start, see if the person appeals to you visually, and then find out if their interests and passions somewhat match up to yours.
Once you’ve found someone intriguing to you, open the lines of communication gradually. If chats/messaging seems to be going well, then you can advance to voice calling, and then even video chats.
Progressing in this way offers you some safety filters and a way to get to know the other person without any need for a firm commitment. If the person seems strange or dangerous via messaging, you can simply cut it off there. From there, voice calls and video chats really help you to see a person’s real personality.
They may also reveal a bit more about you, but still leave you capable of saying yes or no to meeting in person if you start to get a bad feeling about someone.
Verify Your Match’s Identity
Romance scams, catfishing and other kinds of identity theft schemes have become real problems in the online dating world. Phone calls and video chats can help to cut back on fake personas, but not entirely.
Scammers are smart, after all. That’s why it’s important to do a little extra investigation to make sure that the person you meet online is 1) real, and 2) not out to hurt or scam you.
The internet is a great place to start when it comes to identity verification. The first thing you should do is perform a general web search about your match online.
Doing so could bring up things like other social media profiles, mentions in news articles, and so on. This can confirm that your match does indeed exist. And it could tell you more about their background, stuff they may not have been forthcoming about on their dating profile.
You can also perform a similar search on the person’s profile image. If an image search proves that a profile picture indeed belongs to your match, that’s great. But it can also reveal if an image has been used elsewhere, or is a stock image.
That’s a red flag that the person you’re interested in probably isn’t who they say they are. Or, at least, they probably don’t look the way you think they do.
Finally, there are also online people search and background tools dedicated to providing information for identity verification. With such tools, you can search for your match using their name, city and state to confirm information they’ve told you (like the names of relatives, where they’re working, etc.).
Some of these services also list public court or criminal records and may help you match profile images to a real person. Treat the results as a lead rather than proof, because public-record data can be incomplete, out of date or attached to someone else with the same name. Knowing this information can make the decision to meet or not much easier.
Make First In-Person Dates Very Public
Assuming you’ve already taken the above advice to heart, you should feel pretty comfortable and safe meeting your match in-person when the time comes. But it can’t hurt to take at least a few precautions on your first “real” date.
When meeting face-to-face for the first time, have the date take place in a restaurant or other establishment that’s very public. Having a first date where there are a lot of people around leaves little to no opportunity for bad behavior. And, at least until you really get to know the person, don’t plan to meet up at each other’s homes.
For those who are used to more traditional means of finding a date, this technological approach may sound a bit clinical. But just because you’re using a dating app to introduce yourself first, that doesn’t mean that getting to know someone isn’t still an exciting, exhilarating process.
Following these safety tips shouldn’t take away from the romance, either. Rather, following these tips will just help you navigate the world of online dating safely and, hopefully, successfully.
What Are the Red Flags of a Romance Scam?
A romance scam is a confidence trick in which someone fakes romantic interest to win a victim’s trust and then uses that trust to get money or account access. Many scam profiles use stolen photographs or AI-generated images, a practice often called catfishing.
According to the US Federal Trade Commission (FTC), common warning signs include:
- They can never meet in person. The FTC lists excuses such as living or traveling outside the country, working on an oil rig, being in the military or working with an international organization.
- They contact you very often. Messages several times a day are used to build an emotional connection quickly.
- They ask for money. Requests usually follow a period of trust-building and are framed as urgent needs such as medical bills, travel tickets or visa fees.
- They want hard-to-reverse payments. The FTC names wire transfers, gift cards, money transfer apps and cryptocurrency.
- They avoid video. Excuses such as a broken camera are common, because the scammer rarely looks like the photos.
For 2022 reports, the FTC said 24% of romance scammers claimed they or a family member were sick, hurt or in jail, and 18% claimed the online friend had made a fortune in investments such as cryptocurrency.
How Big Is the Romance Scam Problem?
According to the FTC, people in the United States filed 64,003 romance scam reports in 2023, with reported losses of $1.14 billion and a median loss of $2,000 per person. Reported figures cover only the cases people chose to report.
The US Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) warns about a related scheme often called “pig butchering”: a new online friend or match encourages the victim to invest in cryptocurrency or forex on a trading platform. Early “profits” look real, but withdrawals are blocked by invented fees or technical problems. The CFTC’s advice is not to trade or give money to people you only know online.
Online Dating Safety Checklist
| Stage | What to do | Warning sign |
|---|---|---|
| Profile | Reverse image search the photos; search the name and city they give you | Photos appear under other names or on stock image sites |
| Chatting | Keep conversations on the dating app until you trust the person | Pressure to move quickly to another messaging app |
| Calls | Move to a voice call, then a video call | Repeated excuses to avoid video |
| Money | Never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you have not met | Urgent requests or investment tips |
| First date | Meet in a busy public place, arrange your own transport, tell a friend | Insistence on meeting at a home or a remote location |
For more on spotting warning signs once you start seeing someone, see our guide to identifying red flags in your dating life. Choosing a reputable platform also helps; our article on the features that distinguish good internet dating sites covers what to look for.
How Do You Run a Reverse Image Search on a Dating Profile?
- Save or screenshot the profile photo.
- Upload it to a reverse image search engine such as Google Images (via Google Lens), Bing Visual Search or TinEye.
- Check whether the same photo appears under a different name, on a model’s or influencer’s page, or on a stock photo site.
- Repeat with two or three of the person’s photos, because scammers may use stolen or AI-generated images.
A clean result does not prove a profile is genuine, since an AI-generated face may not appear anywhere else online. A video call remains the stronger check.
What Should You Do If You Sent Money to a Match?
The FTC advises acting quickly: contact your bank or the company you used to pay, explain that you paid a scammer and ask for a refund. Then report the scam and tell the dating app or social media platform where you met the person.
- United States: report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
- India: call the national cyber fraud helpline 1930 or file a complaint on the National Cyber Crime Reporting Portal (cybercrime.gov.in), run by the Ministry of Home Affairs through the Indian Cyber Crime Coordination Centre (I4C).
Keep screenshots of messages, profile details and payment receipts as evidence. Our guide on what to do if you are a victim of cybercrime explains the next steps, and how to avoid an online scam covers wider warning signs.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should you talk to someone online before meeting?
There is no fixed rule. A sensible approach is to wait until you have exchanged messages, had at least one voice call and one video call, and checked that the person’s photos and name match who they say they are.
Is it safe to use people-search sites to check a date?
People-search and background sites can confirm basic details, but their data can be incomplete, outdated or mixed up with someone who has the same name. Use them as one check alongside a reverse image search and a video call, not as proof.
Why does my match refuse to video call?
Repeatedly refusing video is a common sign of a fake profile, because a scammer usually does not look like the photos. Excuses such as a broken camera or working abroad should make you more cautious.
Should I send money to someone I met on a dating app?
No. The FTC’s guidance is never to send money or gifts to a sweetheart you have not met in person, however urgent the request sounds, and the CFTC warns not to trade or give money to people you only know online.
Where should a first date from a dating app take place?
Choose a busy public place such as a restaurant or cafe, get there and back on your own, and tell a friend where you will be. Avoid meeting at either person’s home until you know each other well. For ideas on what to wear, see our guide on what to wear on a first date.
